Kiran's headache before his Grand Vaction
by alexa005
Summary: Before going to his Grand Vacation with eleven heroes he chose, Kiran must encounter some shenanigans in the Order first. Will he lasts before he leaves? Rated T for language and suggestive scenes. (Two-shots; spin off to Kiran's list)
1. Hector's papa bear mode

**This is a spin off to Kiran's list and it will be a two-shots.**

 **Disclaimer: Fire Emblem belongs to Nintendo while other things mentioned belong to their respective owners. I only write this for pure fun.**

 **Second: English is my second language so expect some grammatical errors.**

 **Third: OOC's, suggestive statement, and… Hector. Yes, only Hector. He's being overprotective papa bear here.**

* * *

It is a normal day at the Order of the Heroes. All the heroes are gathered in the purple book for the latest laws that was written by the resident summoner.

And currently, they are now reading the last law.

 _606\. To all order of Heroes: surprising the only way I can go into the Nexus and Blizzard world is I have to buy the bundle in order to get in. They ran out of the regular ones and the only ones they have are 12 grade encrusted diamond tickets first class seats. So yeah, I kinda bought 12 tickets in the bundles with the gold that Anna was kindly to donate for my pleasant vacation. Anyways, I already pick out the first fives heroes that will come with me. The names are: Roy, Lilina, Henry, Alfonse (yes he's going with me as he needs a break from this too) and finally Lloyd. As I find these people I can trust or at least tolerate when there are at a different world. The other six are undecided as I need to figure out who I can bring that will not cause too much trouble._

" **WHAT?!** " A certain green axe armor unit shouted at the top of his lungs after he read the last law. Literally. " **LILINA'S BEEN CHOSEN ON THE VACATION?! WITH ELIWOOD'S SQUIRT?!** "

"Hector, calm down!" Lyn said to her fuming husband. "I'm sure that Kiran has the reason to-"

"I **WON'T** allow that!" Hector shouted again. "I'll make sure that our daughter will not be in the vacation-"

" **VALFLAME!** " Arvis shouted, hurling a ball of fire around Hector charring him. "You're so noisy!"

" **SHUT UP!** " Hector was smacked in the head by Lyn.

* * *

"Denied."

"What?"

"Hector, those two are so close since they were kids. And no, Kiran's has the power to choose who the other six are." Eliwood sighed after his statement. Hector has been pestering him to switch Roy with the former in the vacation. Fortunately for the Marquess of Pherae, his son was in a mission with Reinhardt, Julia and Elise. "And Roy has been sane during the shenanigans that happened here."

"Eliwood, do you know how many times your son causes trouble?"

"He was only a victim to the Troublesome Three."

"Four, if Legault is going to be summoned."

"Hector, Legault hasn't been found yet so he wasn't considered to be summonable."

"I know, but do you know what happened to your son?"

* * *

 **Flashbacks:**

 _Roy playing a BL game with Eliwood and making the voice actor jokes onto Lloyd and Zephiel, causing the latter to grab him and dragged him to the training tower._

 _Roy being chased by the Ikes and Zelgius (because of the potion that the Troublesome Three put onto him), causing him to hide in the Final Fantasy world._

 _And finally, Roy is under the influence of a certain silver haired villain by said world above to kill Ike. Ike remedy the solution by talking to a certain warrior who is the nemesis of the said villain from the world mentioned above._

 **End Flashbacks**

* * *

"I told you, Hector. That was their fault." Eliwood concluded.

"But he doesn't deserve that spot! That's it! I'm talking to Kiran."

"You won't find him."

"Eh?!"

"He's in the World of Conquest, battling 'Xander's doppelganger' as Kiran quoted it." Eliwood said, while gesturing the 'Xander's doppelganger' part.

" **WHAT?!** "

* * *

 _ **-Meanwhile in the World of Conquest while doing the Xander's GHB-**_

" **ATCHOO!** "

"You okay, Kiran?" Roy asked.

"Someone's talking about me." Kiran said.

* * *

Being a summoner means that you have the power to accept or deny a hero's demands (like Michalis for example: he wanted to kill Marth but Kiran denied his demand. Of course, Michalis was angry at this and being bombarded by the resident stalker, Tharja) but sometimes you need a break like a vacation to unwind yourself. So, when Kiran chooses the next six heroes that will accompany him to his grand vacation, he hears a bickering in the Central Hall.

"Lord Hector, I swear to the Elimine that Lilina and I are only dating, not marrying." Roy explained to the fuming Hector.

"Here we go again." Kiran muttered.

"Hell, no!" Hector shouted "I will NOT allow my daughter to either get a boyfriend or worse, getting married!"

"Hector, this nonsense must be stopped!" Lyn snapped. "Roy and Lilina are so cute together and you can't stop it."

"Besides, you're already dead in our timeline." Zephiel chimed in which resulted in dodging a hand axe that almost hit his crotch while shouting an unmanly 'eep!'

"The ship's already sailing and you can't stop it!" Male Robin was OHKO by Armads, thanks to distant counter.

"Just no and no!" Hector shouted, throwing temper tantrums like a child.

"How the hell the former Marquess and his retainers survive his attitude?" Ryoma muttered under his breath while looking at Matthew and Serra.

"Don't know, Ryoma." Xander answered.

Kiran decides to step in and the shenanigan must be stop. "What is going on?"

"Hector is demanding Roy to break with Lilina!" Nowi dodged a Bolganon spell courtesy of Lilina.

"Hector, I think Roy and Lilina are cute together." Kiran explained to stop this and sent Male Robin to the healer's tent before Tharja 'interrogate' him. "So stop your overprotective papa bear of yours before you harm any of the-"

"That's it!" Hector grinned and a grinning Hector is a bad sign. Since his Goody-Two-Shoes friend of his isn't there, he will say it to the Young Lion's face and he mean it. "I WILL **[BLEEP!]** you in the **[BLEEP!]** and make you my **[BLEEP!]** slave where you will **[BLEEP!]** my **[BLEEP!]** until your broken and **[BLEEP!]** to be my **[BLEEP!]** boy!"

Silence ensures in the hall.

Kiran's eyebrows twitched at the statement, the older ones covers the younger heroes' ears (while the curious ones e.g Elise asks what those words mean, Xander only shrugs), Deirdre readied her Naga Tome, Lyn readied her Armorslayer that she inherited from a stray 4-star Hana, Roy's face paled as a white paper when he hear that statement, Lilina only gasped, the Troublesome Three says 'Oh my~' while grinning and Hector didn't noticed that a dark aura is looming behind him.

" **HECTOR!** " Eliwood's calm but angry voice boomed towards his back. Hector only turned at his angry best friend.

"Eliwood, I can explain-"

" **DIE, YOU OSTIAN LUMP!** " Eliwood roared, brandishing the Blazing Durandal that he refined from the weapon refinery and chased after his best friend but because armor knights are slower, Eliwood caught Hector and beat the crap out of him, thanks to his axebreaker 3.

And we see Hector in the last chapter of Kiran's List tied up in a chair by Jaffar and was knocked out cold by Lyn using Arvis' Valflame Tome (Arvis had enough of his bickering so he gratefully borrow his tome to Lyn.)

* * *

"Father, do you think Lord Hector will do that on me?" Roy asked, shuddering by placing his hands into his arms, rubbing it.

"I think he's reading too much BDSM gay porn courtesy of Niles." Eliwood explained then sighed. "Just go with Lilina, okay?"

"Kay!" and Roy leave his father's room.

"I wish Oswin and Marcus are here." Eliwood muttered to himself.

 _ **To be continued…**_

* * *

 **Next is the Civil Hero Wars on who will be accompanying Kiran on his vacation!**

 **Criticism is welcome!**


	2. The Civil Hero Wars

**Here comes the Civil Hero Wars! So enjoy the last chapter of Kiran's headache before his grand vacation!**

 **Disclaimer: see chap 1**

* * *

For Kiran, having posting laws in the purple book will keep the heroes in check, because some of them will uphold all chaos that is happening on and off the battle.

After all, how can you managed 300+ heroes and more others to come, while guests from another realm (blame the Smashers; they broke the law of physics and gravity in the order) keeps popping up left and right?

So one night, a certain outlaw post a piece of paper on the pillar near the purple book while his two equally troublesome assistants distract the robotic guards that are guarding the central hall.

* * *

The next day, heroes have been gathered through the pillar for a piece of paper has been posted there:

 _To the Order of the Heroes,_

 _I already chose the six other heroes that will accompany me in my vacation. Their names are: Fjorm, Leo, Takumi, Male Robin, Tharja and Loki. That will be all._

 _-Kiran._

" **WHAT?!** " Takumi shouted at the top of his lungs. "I'm okay being there in the vacation, but with Leo? No way!"

"So what? I don't want to go with you, too!" Leo shouted at him in the face.

Ryoma and Xander tried to pry off the two before a brawl is going to happen. "You two, stop it!" Ryoma scolded them.

"You two are not kids! Be civilized people, dammit!" Xander chimed in.

"Then what about you **KILLING** your own sister while in war?!" Takumi gloated at Xander.

"Wait, what?" Xander was confused.

"You killed Elise! Admit it you hate us!" Takumi said.

"Wait a minute, Takumi! What did you mean? Elise is alive and well and hanging out with Sakura." Hinoka shouted at her own brother.

"So what, sis? I will tell you that these Nohrian scums are [ **BLEEP!** ] and [ **BLEEP!** ]" Takumi replied. The Nohrians only keep their mouth shut.

Then Leo realizes something was wrong so he draws Brynhildr and blasts its magic at Takumi. "You're NOT the Revelations Takumi! Now die!"

"Gah!" Takumi shouted and draws Fujin Yumi. "Then you're **NOT** the Birthright Leo either!" (Author's Note: In this fic, all of the Fates Royals save for Takumi are come from Revelations Route. Takumi came from the Birthright route, so he was somehow bitter and confused that all of his siblings are in terms with the Nohrian siblings)

"That's enough!" Ryoma tries to stop his brother from gloating.

"You are a [ **BLEEP!]** for an older sister! And what are you, a [ **BLEEP!** ]?" Takumi shouted at Camilla.

"WHAT?!" Camilla starting to lose her cool.

"Takumi, please-" but Ryoma was interrupted.

"And you are a pigheaded [ **BLEEP!** ] Crown prince I ever met!" The second prince of Hoshido shouted at Nohr's crown prince.

Xander had enough. He draws his Siegfried and charged at Takumi. "Now, die!"

"That's it!" Camilla brandished her Brave Axe+ "You badmouthed us Nohrians! You will have to pay!"

"Nobody harms my family!" Hinoka joined in, brandishing her lance. "You're going to face me!"

Ryoma only brandished Raijinto and sighed. "This is not going to end well."

Chaos ensures.

* * *

"Finally! No one will criticize you that you are gay!"

"Shut up, Marth! It was the Troublesome Three who did this in the first place!"

"At lease you won't troll on Roy now." Marth grinned. Ike sighed at what his friend said. They were in the corridor and taking some fresh air.

Last Valentine's Day, Elincia asked the mercenary to have a date with her. Since Geoffrey isn't available yet, Ike had no choice but to accept the princess' request. "At least, this will cement on the rumors and I prove to them that I'm not bisexual."

"Roy-sexual, if you prefer it." Marth teased.

" **MARTH!** " Ike shouted, face blushed red in embarrassment.

"Ahem." Roy interrupted their conversation, which caused the two lords to look at him. He only arrived recently. "Marth, Kiran ordered that you are needed in the front lines today. There are new heroes to battle and recruit today."

"Seriously?" Marth asked. "Did Kiran tell you who the heroes are?"

"Yup. Possessed Male Robin, possessed Celica, possessed Takumi and possessed Hardin. The last is a newcomer." Roy explained.

"Hardin?! As in King Hardin?!"

"Yup."

"I'll go now." And Marth leaves hastily, leaving the two alone.

Ike only looks at the redhead. "Did Marth always like that?"

"If there is someone familiar to him, yup. You're already used to him since the Smash tournament." Roy said then he changes the topic. "Anyways, Kiran said to me that you and Soren are selected in his grand vacation, but Soren backs out to the last minute. I wonder why."

"I think because he's with the others today, battling the newcomers or reading in the library. But Roy, the heroes are already been selected." Ike said to him.

Roy was confused. "Huh? What did you mean?"

"Kiran has chosen Takumi, Leo, Male Robin, Tharja, Fjorm and Ashera-forbids Loki in his vacation." Ike explained.

"But Kiran said to me that you and Soren- wait a minute! Can I go to the Central Hall for a moment?"

* * *

"This is so boring!" Hector said while lying out on the bed. Currently, he was in prison for the event that happens in the last chapter.

"It was your fault that you badmouthed Lord Eliwood's son. We know that you are overprotective to your daughter." Matthew said then laughs.

"Come on, Matthew! Release me here!" Hector begged to his subordinate.

"Denied, milord! Jaffar's going to kill me."

"Who is your lord here?!" Hector bellowed to his subordinate.

"You milord, but Kiran-"

"Just release me Matthew!" Hector ordered. " **NOW!** "

"Okay, okay." Matthew grumbled. "But don't blame me if you were thrown here again." And by that, he opened the door to Hector's prison and the said axe lord was free. "Finally! I can able to hunt Roy down!" and he dashed off.

"Milord, wait!"

* * *

"Oh, Eliwood." Kiran called Eliwood as the summoner saw the lord with Ninian. "Will you care of going with me to my vacation?"

The couple looked at each other. "Sure, Kiran. Why not?"

"You will be considering this as your reward for your wife winning the 'Blood of the Dragons' Voting Gauntlet." Kiran smiled. "And besides-"

" **KIRRRRRRAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNN!** " Roy shouted at the top of his lungs while running towards the summoner.

"Roy I told you not to interrupt the conversation-" Eliwood began to scold his son but he was cut off by Roy.

"I'm sorry father but Kiran, you have to see this." Roy said as he holds a piece of paper and shows it to the summoner.

Kiran took the paper from Roy and sees the content. "Hey! I didn't include them- did you know who did this?"

"I don't know but I know that it was your handwriting." Roy explained. "And besides, there is trouble in the hall."

Silence ensures.

" **WHAT?!** "

* * *

The Central Hall is like a battlefield when Kiran and the others arrived. All weapons have been broken, pillars have been crushed, weapons are clashing at each other, shouting profanities that caused Ninian to cover Roy's ears, robotic guards have been destroyed, training dummies scattered everywhere and most of all, all of Kiran's Limited Edition Hello Kitty plushies are now nothing but a pile of fluff due to Chrom slashing it while saying 'I will be the King of the Risens and I kill you if you didn't include me on this vacation!' Not only that, they saw Hector swinging a hammer that is belong to an unconscious Reinhardt from Overwatch, while shouting that he is cutting Roy's manhood that makes Eliwood wanted to punch his best friend.

The heroes are only fighting against each other and they see the others are trying to stop the fight or fainted because of the chaos.

"What is going on here?" Eliwood asked himself. Just then, the group consists of Marth, Deirdre, Nowi and Mist arrived at the scene and shock at what happen. "What happened here?" Deirdre asked.

"We don't know." Ninian answered. "We came here recently and-"

"Kiran!" Ike shouted while running towards them, Elise, Sakura and Soren with him. "The training grounds has been destroyed and- what happened here?!"

"We don't know." Was the only reply.

Kiran falls on his kness and began to sob unaubidly. "My limited edition Hello Kitty plushies." He muttered.

"I think I need to get my megaphone." Roy says before he leaves.

"How can we stop this?" Eliwood said as he dodged an arrow to the head.

"We can't dodge their attacks forever!" Marth shouted as he repositioned Deirdre to his back.

"Not at lease there is a miracle!" Ike said while he was healed by Sakura due that he was hit by a stray thunder.

Not a minute later, Roy arrived, megaphone in hand and approached a sobbing Kiran. "Eh, Kiran-"

But Kiran grabbed the megaphone on Roy's hands, inhaled himself for a while "Guys, I need you to cover your ears because it's going to a one hell of a shout." Roy warned and the people covered their ears.

And Kiran shouted:

" **WHAT THE [BLEEP!]ING HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!** "

Everyone stopped of what they are doing.

(Author's note: I want you guys to imagine what happened next after this)

* * *

Two weeks later, a new law has been posted; alongside with the new law that reveals the one who is going on the vacation and the heroes that are going to the prison that involves in the Civil Wars.

Everyone sulked.

* * *

"Let me out of here!" Hector cried. "I want to see my daughter once!"

"Shut up, Marquess Ostia!" Zephiel said while reading a novel that was written by Genny. He was the resident warden of the day. "You are thrown here so suck it up!"

Hector kicked the door in reply.

 **THE END…?**

* * *

 **And that's the end of the story!**

 **The rest of the story will be on Kiran's list and I don't know when since I have Finals coming.**

 **Thanks for reading this fic and I hope you guys enjoy it, so alexa005 out!**


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